More Bri...

Brian's girlfriend "accidentally" friend requested me on facebook. YOU CANT accidentally friend request someone...you have to go through about 3 steps before you actually request someone.

Don't force me to stop talking to your boyfriend because you feel threatened by me and then try rubbing it in my face randomly.

And this immature outburst from me just proves I'm not over it. Us. I'm not over us totally.

Damn jealousy....it really is a hellish feeling.

And of course It all comes back to this is all my fault...I ruined things between us.

I cooked chicken.

So...I feel like I have this reputation for being SO girly and with that people expect me to know how to cook and clean and such...I really learned how to vacuum like 3 years ago. everyone in masters laughed at me. Its not like I WANTED to be raised that way...but my mom was one of those mom's who just wanted to do everything for me. I would ask for help and she would just take the taste over. I didn't even clean my room growing up. SO moving in with my dad this past year has been...interesting.

I have really avoided learning how to cook...BUT I feel like this is necessary considering I feel like one day I will be totally on my own and buying microwavable meals just wont cut it forever. SO...I cooked chicken today for the first time by myself ever! I'm proud. I know that isn't a huge first step...but honestly for me it is. I hate touching meat. Its so nasty to me. I cooked enough for the whole week so that I can eat healthier at lunch time. I'm going to eat grilled chicken and salad for lunch.

I don't really have a huge appetite generally anyways...so this is plenty of food for me. ..and its low cals and healthy. So now I wont go buy a happy meal for lunch...cause I'll admit it that's default for me when I have a job. I'm going to be a good girl.

I start my job tomorrow...I've decided on a maroon baby doll dress, black tights, black close toed 2 inch heels and a black long cardigan. I need more fall/winter clothes to wear to the office...but I figure if I just buy a few more skirts and a couple pairs of tights and then a decent jacket...I should be okay. Most of my clothes are summery...cause I live in Florida and I can start wearing them in March...and stop wearing them late Oct early Nov. So 4 months...of sorta cold weather. (Good hair weather though)

I'm so proud that I cooked. haha.

I trust.

I forgot to write about Sunday. Sunday morning I went back to friends community church of God...where my friends are worship pastors. It was a really great service on trusting God and it touched on everything from someone trusting and having faith in God to trusting God in every aspect of your life...and while I feel as though I did pretty good about how I trusted God with providing a job and money, I don't do quit that well trusting God with my husband.

I think about settling constantly. ..when I know that God has instilled in me convictions for different things. Convictions that most people do not share and while I do not think I am better than anyone, I have been scared I will never meet anyone who shares those convictions or would be okay with me living out the convictions I have developed.

But I laid it down Sunday in a beautifully broken way I put my trust in God. If he has called me will he not equip me? And that includes a father for all the children I want to foster, adopt, and love.

So I trust. 100% and in every aspect. I trust.

The River

So I am currently laying in bed....watching TV. I didn't end up falling asleep until 5am last night! So lame! I made myself wake up around 12:30 so that I could go to bed decently early tonight.

I decided last night that I have GOT to start watching my diet and maybe in about a week I will start running again. I bruised a bone or something. So my foot has been too hurt to run...but seeing pictures the last few months Im just not comfortable in this skin right now. Time to let some pounds fall off!

I am going to the river tonight. I haven't been to a river since I was in Maters commission. Although I may or may not stay long. David told me it was a ticket pass out night. I don't really go to Faith or Mainstream so I don't nessesarilly love passing out tickets...plus Im not sure how I really feel about people spending hundreds of dollars on a production while there are seriously poor people strugling to buy grocerys...just my thought.

Well I think I am going to actually get out of bed.